The Stinking Bishop (with Pete Cilella)

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Ah, once upon a podcast. Do you remember stories when you were youngster? [00:00:06] Speaker B: Of course. Yeah. [00:00:07] Speaker A: Right. Okay. See, I'm thinking back to when I was a tiny baby and my parents reading me a lovely story. But never on air have I improvised a story in front of you all. I'm so excited. Welcome to the show. [00:00:24] Speaker C: Welcome. [00:00:38] Speaker A: Jennifer. Welcome to the show. We are back. [00:00:40] Speaker B: Thank you. We are. We've been a bit absent recently. [00:00:42] Speaker C: We have. [00:00:43] Speaker A: We've travelled up and down the country. We're now back at home, and we. [00:00:47] Speaker B: Are very excited today. Why? I'll tell you why. [00:00:51] Speaker A: Why are you excited? [00:00:52] Speaker B: Because today we have the great pleasure of introducing you to an extremely talented actor writer director. Do we have a guest? We do. [00:01:03] Speaker A: Yes, we do. Yes, we do. [00:01:05] Speaker B: Can I finish now? [00:01:06] Speaker A: Yeah. All right, mate. [00:01:07] Speaker B: An extremely talented actor, writer, director, podcast creator. [00:01:13] Speaker A: Love it. [00:01:14] Speaker B: And might I mention, championship Air Guitar person. [00:01:19] Speaker A: He's a championship air guitar person. [00:01:21] Speaker B: I did not know he's a championship air Guitar champion. Mr. Peter Chalella. Welcome, Pete. [00:01:30] Speaker A: Thank you, Sir Peter. Welcome to the show, my man. How are you? [00:01:34] Speaker C: Good. I'm good. I've just to clarify, I came in third in Los Angeles. [00:01:41] Speaker A: Was it just an LA championship or. [00:01:44] Speaker C: Was it at that point, it was like the second or third year of it. The first year I did not place. I did it for three years when it first started back in the early aughts. And so at that point, I think it was like a regional thing, and then it opened up to more and more cities. The whole thing started in Finland, and then it caught on in America. [00:02:08] Speaker A: That's amazing. [00:02:09] Speaker B: Are there any videos anywhere that we can look up? [00:02:13] Speaker C: There's a documentary called Air Guitar Nation that is actually. It's a really good documentary. It's about the first year. I did not place that year, but I'm interviewed very briefly. [00:02:24] Speaker A: Where can we find this said documentary? [00:02:27] Speaker C: I can't wait. Yeah, it's Air Guitar Nation, and it follows the winner, C Diddy, who won in LA, which was like, the American Championship, and then he made it all the way to Finland. [00:02:40] Speaker A: You can find it on YouTube. [00:02:41] Speaker C: I'm barely in that. And you won't recognize me because I'm under the assumed name Clayton Sweeney and I'm wearing a wig. [00:02:48] Speaker A: Sorry, did you have a pseudonym as an air guitarist? [00:02:50] Speaker C: I did. I had a whole backstory. [00:02:52] Speaker A: Oh, my. [00:02:53] Speaker B: Anyway, I mean, I think this is fantastic, but it's also funny that this is the first thing we're talking about, because obviously Pete is a man of many talents. And not only is Pete our first male guest, but he's also our first American guest on the show. [00:03:09] Speaker C: Correct. [00:03:10] Speaker B: How exciting is that, y'all? [00:03:12] Speaker C: I'm honored. [00:03:13] Speaker A: And a secret bit of info for all the listeners out there. Pete is also, as you can probably tell by our witty repartee, is that Pete is a very good friend of ours and lives a mere five doors down in Los Angeles. So, Pete, please remember to take my trash out on Friday, because I always do. [00:03:33] Speaker C: We'll do. Your gate still gets stuck. [00:03:36] Speaker B: Does it really? [00:03:37] Speaker A: Does it really? [00:03:38] Speaker B: How annoying. [00:03:41] Speaker A: So I can see here on Jen's notes that. On IMD. [00:03:45] Speaker B: On. Hang on, hang on. No, no, I've not got there yet. [00:03:48] Speaker A: You don't have to do them in order. [00:03:49] Speaker B: Yes, I do, because. Oh, my gosh. Right. [00:03:53] Speaker A: Do you remember all the listeners back there? Do you remember when I had my clipboard and people were writing in, telling me that they also have a clipboard to do their kind of thing? Jen just has a silly sheet that she's just printed out. [00:04:05] Speaker B: It's a perfectly usable sheet. [00:04:07] Speaker A: Yeah, but you need a clipboard, mate. [00:04:09] Speaker B: Very interesting information about Pete. [00:04:12] Speaker C: I have loose paper. [00:04:13] Speaker B: I do, too. We're very similar, you and I, Pete. [00:04:16] Speaker C: Whatever works. [00:04:16] Speaker A: Clipboard. [00:04:17] Speaker B: So you've had so many different and interesting jobs over the years, Pete. But I know that one of them was an advert with Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba. [00:04:31] Speaker C: That'S right. That was one of my first big commercial jobs, and it was for Tiger Beer. [00:04:38] Speaker A: Other beers are available. [00:04:40] Speaker C: And they flew myself and two other American actors to New Zealand for a week to shoot this. [00:04:47] Speaker B: Oh, wow. [00:04:48] Speaker C: It's not a bad gig, is it, mate? Oh, no. And we had time off. There was one day where we had a day off and myself and another one of the actors, who I'm still very good friends with, we took a ferry from Auckland to a small island off the coast, and then we hired some random dude in a van to drive us around to different wineries. I remember you telling us about, and it was amazing. And I fell in love with New Zealand. And we actually, Kelly and I, that's where we had our honeymoon, because I was like, we got to go back. We got to see the south, because I was just in Auckland and. Yeah, New Zealand's amazing. [00:05:22] Speaker B: It was. Apparently, my dad said that it made him feel like he could almost be religious. It was such a beautiful. [00:05:32] Speaker A: Every so often in our industry, you get a golden ticket job like that. Right. I remember one which is quite. It's a really popular job amongst actors in Britain. It's like a crime drama comedy type show called Death in Paradise. Right, that's on the BBC over here. Now this, throughout the acting industry in England is known as Chef's Kiss. The job to get, and I'll tell you why. And I've done an episode of this and I've also met a good friend of mine, Raza Jaffery. We're still great friends. I met him on that show as well. And so basically the gig is it's set in Guadalupe, which is not an easy place to get to. Therefore the commitment of the job for that episode is like three and a half weeks. But you're only filming for like three or four days because they can't fly you in and out. They keep you in the hotel. They say three or four days and the rest of the time is totally yours. Now what's really funny throughout, anyone I've spoken to who's done an episode of Death in Paradise has said the same thing, is that, Pete, you know all about continuity when it comes to shooting a show. And these people are having their days off and they're coming back and they've got all this massive. They've been surfing or going on boat trips and stuff like that. [00:07:02] Speaker B: It's just I remember him doing that job and he came back. Oh, you were so happy to have such a brilliant time. [00:07:08] Speaker A: The best. But those golden ticket jobs. So the Tiger Beer commercial ran. Did it run nationwide or worldwide? [00:07:16] Speaker C: I think it aired in Singapore. [00:07:20] Speaker A: Wow. [00:07:21] Speaker C: Because it's a Singapore beer. I think they're based in Singapore. The crew and the director was from London. It was when they were throwing around crazy money at commercials to unknown actors. Right. In the early two thousand s. I flew a lot of different places. I mean, it was like a boom time. And then celebrities then started to do American commercials and nonunion work came in and it all changed. But it was fun while it lasted. [00:07:53] Speaker B: You can ask your question now if you. Chris. [00:07:56] Speaker A: Ah, okay. I've seen this film on IMDB. You can check this out under Peach. Le's Page. Dementia. Can you tell us about it? [00:08:05] Speaker C: Can we rewind and not talk about that movie? Why? [00:08:09] Speaker B: So tell us about your on amazing. [00:08:15] Speaker A: Hang on, I want to know why. [00:08:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:17] Speaker C: Did you watch dementia? [00:08:18] Speaker B: Yeah. I didn't. No. [00:08:19] Speaker A: I thought it was fantastic. [00:08:21] Speaker C: I thought it was brilliant where I played like the dad of Hassey Harrison who's on Yellowstone. [00:08:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:29] Speaker C: I think I came in at the last minute to replace another actor and they're like, yeah, you're going to play the dad of Hassey Harrison, who's very talented, lovely actress. She's on Yellowstone now. And our age, I mean, I'm older, but I'm not old enough to be her dad at the time. I mean, I think we shot this, like, eight years ago. [00:08:53] Speaker A: It's a real kind of seminal moment in your career, isn't it, when you get that first dad role? [00:08:59] Speaker B: Well, you would only be, like, 39 or something. [00:09:01] Speaker C: Yes. So she was like, 22 and I was like, 38. [00:09:05] Speaker B: Yeah. It was a bit too close. [00:09:07] Speaker C: So, I mean, technically she could be my daughter, but I don't actually remember much from that shoot because prior to it, my lung had collapsed. [00:09:17] Speaker A: What? [00:09:18] Speaker C: And. Yeah. Did I never tell you this? [00:09:22] Speaker A: Yeah, I think so. Hang on. What year are we talking about here? [00:09:27] Speaker C: This is 2014. Yeah, it was 2014. We just moved into the house. I'm making coffee. I get this sharp pain, like, lower lung, but kind of like a gas pain. And so I just thought that's what it was. And went about my day, and it started to get worse. And I was having trouble breathing, and I've had asthma since I was a kid, but it's under control. But I called my doctor, and this was, like, the day before Thanksgiving. And he was like, you better come in and get this checked. And they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. They did all these tests and then they sent me to cedars. Long story short, my entire right lung was at, like, 10% capacity. I was on a ton of painkillers because it's an incredibly painful procedure. They use a local anesthesia and they cut a hole between two of your ribs and they stick a tube in there, pump it up again. It's all nerve and bone. There's no fat. And so I was on heavy doses of oxy and dilauded, and I was out of it. And so I was still kind of recovering from that when I did dementia. [00:10:40] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:10:42] Speaker C: So I can't really tell you much about. [00:10:44] Speaker A: Jeez, what was the recovery time for that? [00:10:46] Speaker C: Well, I mean, they send you home with a tube in, and what happens is the tube that is there to suck out all the air from your chest cavity that's crushing your lung down. And then once your lung heals itself, they just pull the tube out with no anus, like you go into the doctor. [00:11:05] Speaker A: My God, it sounds like a scene from sore. [00:11:09] Speaker C: It is. It's gnarly. And so once that tubes out, the recovery is much faster. But, yeah, it was painful. And then I lost a ton of weight. I asked the doctor, I was like, hey, so these opioids are making me a little fuzzy. The pain's gone away. I don't think I need them anymore. And he's like, yeah. He's like, you can totally quit cold turkey. I was like, okay, great. So I did. I went into full train spotting, withdrawal night sweats, couldn't keep any food in my body. [00:11:40] Speaker B: I mean, everybody knows you can't go cold turkey on things like that. [00:11:44] Speaker C: Yeah. And I told him, I was like, hey, Doc, I can't keep any food in my body. And he told me to eat some cheese to stop me up. That's what he said. I was like, okay, thank you. Your bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired here. I mean, come on, dude. [00:12:00] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:12:01] Speaker A: Quick shout out to that doctor. [00:12:03] Speaker B: Quick shout out to the American health system, which you have to pay for, by the way. You have to pay for that advice. [00:12:10] Speaker C: Don't even get me started. [00:12:11] Speaker A: Yeah, just keep stocking up on cheese, mate. You'll be all right. [00:12:14] Speaker B: Anyway, Pete, so after your recovery and after dementia, which we're not mentioning, you've done so many things as an actor, and then you moved through into directing, wrote and directed your own film, short film. Didn't you called Occupant? [00:12:29] Speaker C: I did, yeah. So I've always been writing along the way. Between acting gigs, I just needed to do something right. And so I started doing the writing. I was getting in bigger rooms, and I was starting to make money as a writer. And then I got frustrated because the things I was writing weren't getting made. So then I moved into directing because I needed to get something made. So with the help of Rustic films, which is my good friends Justin Benson, Aaron Morehead and Dave Lawson, and they've been directing and producing indie genre movies for the last ten years. They did resolution, the first film that I did with them, and that was their first film, they produced this short that I kicked my family out of the house for a night, sent them down to San Diego, and we took over the house and we just shot it overnight at the house. [00:13:29] Speaker A: It's brilliant. [00:13:30] Speaker C: Thank you. [00:13:31] Speaker A: How long is it again? [00:13:32] Speaker B: It is brilliant. [00:13:33] Speaker C: It's under five minutes. [00:13:34] Speaker A: And this is what attracted me. [00:13:35] Speaker C: It's called occupant and it's on YouTube. You can find it on YouTube. [00:13:41] Speaker A: Yeah, we'll put all the links to these things, especially this five minute thing. [00:13:45] Speaker B: We will, won't we, Chris? You do that, won't we? [00:13:49] Speaker A: Yeah, you do all that. [00:13:52] Speaker C: The royal we. [00:13:53] Speaker B: Yes, exactly. And then, of course, you are now doing what we do. Which is producing and creating a fantastic podcast called One More Story. So we thought we would amalgamate today, and we'd love to hear a little bit more about your podcast, Pete. [00:14:11] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:14:11] Speaker A: Well, who's your favourite guest that's ever been on it? [00:14:15] Speaker C: Well, it's obviously Chris Gears, obviously. So as you guys know, and I won't get in too, into the weeds and the details of it, but I was supposed to direct my first Feature in January and through a series of unfortunate events that didn't happen at the last second, so I was pretty devastated. And then writer Strike, actor Strike, and I realized I have this compulsive need to create, and I didn't want to just go back and write another spec script during all of this and hope for the best. So my daughter and I, and my son, to a lesser extent, would often tell each other. Well, I would tell them bedtime stories. They would give me a word prompt, and I would have to improvise until they fell asleep. And so I got the idea. I was like, you know what? I should turn this into a podcast. And initially, I was going to do it. It was just going to be myself. And I was like, well, no one's going to tune into that. And also, I'm going to run out of. It's just going to get boring. And so I was like, okay, well, why don't I have a guest on every week, and we an interview portion, and then we do two improvised stories. One is a story relay where I'll riff for two to three minutes on a word that Mara, my daughter, still, she picks all the words. So cute. Yeah. And so we'll riff back and forth for ten to 15 minutes, maybe longer, and then my guest will do a solo story, and I mix it all together, cut it all together, put some music underneath, and hopefully lull some kids to sleep. But the interviews are for the parents and then the stories are for the kids. So it's been fun. [00:16:01] Speaker B: It's such a brilliant concept because I've not heard or seen anything out there like that either. My point being that the interviews that you perform for the adults are really interesting and fascinating. And then as a bonus, you've got these brilliant stories that no one's heard before, of course, because they're absolutely totally made up and the kids can totally enjoy that. [00:16:26] Speaker A: Well, you've got a little bit of something for the parents and then a little bit something for the kids. [00:16:31] Speaker B: What we're going to do is we are going to actually improvise a story today, but before that, Pete. Before that. We want to bring you into our fold for a little bit. [00:16:42] Speaker C: I'm excited. [00:16:43] Speaker B: So we've got some segments that Chris and I do most weeks. And we asked Pete, which he'd prefer to do, and he sent them over. So we thought we might start with what grinds your gears, Pete? [00:16:55] Speaker A: Should we roll the jingle? Pete has to do this. [00:16:58] Speaker C: Roll the jingle. [00:17:02] Speaker A: Tell me what's grinding your gears, mate. [00:17:05] Speaker B: Tell me what's grinding your gears. Tell me what's grinding your gears. Tell us what's grinding your gears. So, Pete, tell us what grinds your gears. [00:17:21] Speaker C: There are a lot of things to choose from. I actually had a little list. [00:17:26] Speaker B: Do it. Run through it. [00:17:28] Speaker C: When people say urinal, I think that's urinal. [00:17:33] Speaker B: Because we said urinal in that, like. [00:17:35] Speaker A: A couple of weeks ago. [00:17:36] Speaker B: Yeah, that's why he's saying it. He's taking the Mickey. [00:17:40] Speaker C: It's called a callback in comedy. [00:17:43] Speaker B: Good one. What's wrong with the urinal? [00:17:45] Speaker A: What do you call it? [00:17:46] Speaker C: Urinal. [00:17:47] Speaker B: He's from America, isn't he? Murica. [00:17:50] Speaker C: I mean, I'll put up with the aluminium, but I mean urinal. I mean. [00:17:54] Speaker A: Oregano. [00:17:56] Speaker C: Oregano? Is that what you call it? The great risk of sounding like a complete jerk is people who do not take pride in their work. And I know you guys have talked about this with the salad bar lady. I think it was people who. [00:18:11] Speaker A: Phone it in, Pete. [00:18:12] Speaker C: Phone it in. I understand in America why wages are stagnant. And there's nothing inspiring about showing up to work at some of these jobs, right? But I was at the Whole Foods the other day down the road. You know, the Amazon automated one, the robot one, where they take camera footage of you every step of the way. And I go into the wine section and, you know, there's always someone camped out at the wine section just to. [00:18:41] Speaker A: Check your age and all that. [00:18:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:42] Speaker C: And I've gotten carded, which is flattering at this age. Right? So that's nice. But I was in there the other day and I asked the wine attendant, I said, is there a discount for buying multiple bottles of wine? [00:18:59] Speaker A: It's a fair question. [00:19:00] Speaker C: It's a fair question because Ralph's has a 30% discount if you buy six, right? And she said, what do you mean? I said, well, I mean what I just asked you. Do I get a discounted price on this wine if I buy multiple bottles? And she Sighs Heavily and she says, I want to say yes, but I also want to say no. [00:19:27] Speaker B: What. [00:19:31] Speaker A: Is she giving her personal view of this or on behalf of the company? [00:19:37] Speaker C: I don't know. She was just phoning it in, and I started to get red. I started to get the anger sweats that just come from the pitch. [00:19:48] Speaker A: Will I get a deal? Maybe you will, maybe you won't. [00:19:53] Speaker C: Don't be coy with me, lady. I just want to buy some wine, and I want some information. And then finally, she was just like, well, I think you'll just have to ask somebody up front. And I'm thinking, like, no, but you're here. [00:20:07] Speaker B: You're the wine person. [00:20:08] Speaker C: And so while I'm talking to her, I just got up, I Googled on my phone, Whole Foods discount, multiple bottles of wine. And I got the answer right away. She could have done that. [00:20:17] Speaker A: What was the answer straight away? [00:20:19] Speaker C: It's only 10%. [00:20:24] Speaker B: That's probably what the doctor did when he told you to eat cheese. Just Googled it on his phone. [00:20:28] Speaker A: Yeah, tell him to eat cheese. [00:20:30] Speaker B: Also, that little story there would slip nicely into unhelpful employee as well. [00:20:36] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:20:36] Speaker B: So, any more grinds for us? [00:20:41] Speaker C: Go on, you're going to laugh. [00:20:42] Speaker B: Give us one more to play with. [00:20:44] Speaker C: Yeah, one more to play with. Our son's at a new school, and we're meeting new kids, whatever. And the kids are just by default calling us Pete. And we come from, you know, I like to be a hip, young la dad, but I like the hierarchy, and I like a little bit of the level of respect. I mean, I grew up in the South. Kelly grew up in Minnesota. Sort of traditional. We said, yes, ma'am. Yes, sir. When I go back there, all my friends kids call me sir, and your. [00:21:22] Speaker B: Kids call us Mr. And Mrs. Gear, which I think so adorable. [00:21:26] Speaker C: It's a level of respect, right? And I don't know this snarky 6th grader who's like, hey, Pete, I'm like, I'm not your buddy, man. I get know, if you can't pronounce my last name, you can say Mr. C. That's fine. [00:21:42] Speaker A: I get, yeah, yeah. You still be cool. But, yeah, yeah. I picked up Freddie from school yesterday, and he's with his pal bIlly, and we're great friends with their parents. Billy knows my name, right? He should know my name. It's been years. [00:21:57] Speaker B: Well, it's the same as his dad. [00:21:58] Speaker A: And it's the same name as his dad's name, but he called me Freddy's dad. He said, could I have a drink, please, Freddie's dad? [00:22:08] Speaker B: Well, is that. I don't know whether that works. Is that more polite than Craig. [00:22:13] Speaker C: That is more polite. I mean, I think it depends on the relationship. Like, if we have adult friends who have young children who've been friends, know, before our kids were Fred's, because I. [00:22:27] Speaker B: Think he calls you Pete and Kelly. [00:22:28] Speaker C: He does. So that's why I was hesitating a little. It's okay with know. [00:22:33] Speaker B: I know, you know, we're not from the know. [00:22:37] Speaker C: I like a little respect. I think I've earned it. [00:22:39] Speaker B: I think you have as well. Oh, that was a brilliant section of what grinds Pete's gears. Well done, Pete. [00:22:45] Speaker C: Thank you. [00:22:47] Speaker A: So, Pete, having you on the show, this is about the 15th take that I'm doing of this. This is why Jen's laughing in the background is it's highlighting how bad I'm going to be at this bit, because in this next section, what we're going to do is an improvised story. Okay, we'll keep it short. It's not going to be a full on. [00:23:09] Speaker B: Not going to be full on one more story like the episodes that Pete produces. But we're going to do a mini version of. And it may be slightly more comic. [00:23:17] Speaker A: But it will be a bedtime story for adults, so therefore a little bit cheekier. I'm not talking like an X rated. No, I'm just saying. All right, peach should start. [00:23:29] Speaker B: Pete should start. And we've got to pick a word, though. [00:23:31] Speaker C: We'll give. [00:23:32] Speaker A: We'll pick a word. [00:23:33] Speaker B: Pete, start. [00:23:33] Speaker C: Oh, you'll pick a word. [00:23:34] Speaker B: Let's pick a word for Pete. [00:23:35] Speaker A: Let's pick a word for Pete. Let's pick a word. Pick a word for Pete. There you go. There's your bloody jingle straight off the bat. Cheese. Cheesemonga. [00:23:48] Speaker B: Do you have cheesemongas in America? [00:23:50] Speaker A: Do you have a cheese monger in. [00:23:52] Speaker C: Mean, I've heard that it's like a sommelier for cheese, right? Yeah. [00:23:58] Speaker B: I think he's more of a seller of cheese, isn't he? A cheesemongger? [00:24:01] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:24:02] Speaker B: Or like a fishmonger Would sell cheese. [00:24:05] Speaker A: Fishmonger. [00:24:07] Speaker C: He mongs. [00:24:09] Speaker A: You're confusing your mongers. [00:24:13] Speaker B: Okay. Somebody works in a fish shop. Is that what we're going? Oh, sorry. Cheese. [00:24:21] Speaker C: Cheesy fish. Fishy cheese. [00:24:23] Speaker A: Bloody hell. [00:24:24] Speaker C: Fish and cheese don't go well together. Although. Have you ever had the filet of fish sandwich at McDonald's? They have a slice of cheese on it. [00:24:31] Speaker B: There you go. [00:24:31] Speaker A: What? No, I haven't ever had the fillet of fish in McDonald's. That's possibly the worst thing you could order. Do you order that? [00:24:39] Speaker C: No, but as a child, as a observant Catholic, during Lent, who couldn't eat meat on Fridays, I would always get the. So during Lent. Filet of fish. It's a huge seller, of course, in America. [00:24:54] Speaker B: Yeah, I used to do the same when we were at school. We never had any meat on Fridays. [00:24:58] Speaker C: Yeah. Filet of fish. [00:25:00] Speaker A: And on that note, let's roll the jingle. And the word is cheesemongger. [00:25:08] Speaker C: Once upon a time, there was an old cheesemonger named Nancy. And Nancy became a cheesemonger at a very early age because she had a repugnant body odor of her own. And the only way to mask that repugnant body odor was to be surrounded by the stinkiest of stinky, stinky cheeses. And so no one knew when they came to her shop that she reeked of stinking bishop, which is a very obscure, delightful to the taste buds, but repellent to the nose cheese. And then one day, while Stinky Nancy, cheesy, Stinky Nancy was working at her cheese shop, a mysterious old man walked into the shop. Hello. [00:26:34] Speaker A: He said, my name is Duncan. Now, Duncan didn't look like the kind of guy that usually went into Nancy's cheese shop. She looked twice at him. She said, I've seen you. I've seen you somewhere before. Oh, my goodness. And then she remembered she'd seen him at church. It was only the bishop himself. [00:27:07] Speaker B: What? Stinky Bishop? [00:27:09] Speaker A: Yes, it was the stinky bishop from the town. And he came in and he said, please, could I buy some stinking Bishop cheese? It was named after me. And Nancy said, yes, of course, but can I ask you why the cheese was named after you? And he said, why do you think I'm a bishop and I stinK? And she said, this is amazing. See, I've had this body odor all my life. And it has branched out into me running this cheese shop. So how did you get the rights to get the cheese named after you? And they had a great conversation about marketing and things like that. And then on Thursday morning, this happened. [00:28:13] Speaker B: Well, since meeting Duncan, Nancy had been wowed by his appearance. Not only was he the most handsome fellow of his age that she had encountered, but he was also suitably smelly enough to be absorbed into her cheese loving life. So on the Thursday when she was putting out her cheeses in the shop, she heard the shop doorbell ring. She turned around, and Duncan was there again. She had hoped she may see him again one day. And in he came, and he said, thank you so much for selling me the stinking bishop cheese. That I came in for last week. It's just been so wonderful to be able to smell and eat my namesake. But I have something to share with you, and that is that whilst I have a lot of body odor, I do have a very, very wonderful smelling. [00:29:26] Speaker C: But I am devoted to God, and this relationship could never be. But I am feeling things in my places that I've never felt before. And would you take me now on top of this loaf of Brie, on top of this wheel of parm, of aged Parm? Take me now. And she said, but you can't break your vow of celibacy. He said, but I'm in love, and I smell cheese, and I can't fight this feeling anymore. I'm going to leave the priesthood, and we're going to run away and just live amongst the cheese forever. And they embraced and frolicked on top of the parm. [00:30:27] Speaker A: And without a moment's hesitation, there was onion relish everywhere. The Brie was, at this point, so hammered into the table that it had got to perfect room temperature. And they decided to grab some bread, they spread some Brie, a little bit of onion relish that she had behind the counter, and they cheers together to their future cheesy union. Cheesy union. So the moral of this story, Pete, is. [00:31:09] Speaker C: Follow your nose. [00:31:14] Speaker B: That's what happens when you try and tell a story with two naughty boys. [00:31:18] Speaker C: Well, I don't get to be naughty on my podcast. [00:31:20] Speaker B: You don't? So that was funny. [00:31:22] Speaker A: So remember, if you want a less graphic story, then hit up Pete's podcast, which is called One More podcast. We have all his information. [00:31:32] Speaker B: One more story. Oh, I would like to learn one more interesting thing about Pete Chilella. [00:31:38] Speaker A: What is it? [00:31:39] Speaker B: I want to hear about his awkward occurrence. [00:31:41] Speaker C: Oh, boy. [00:31:43] Speaker B: Roll the jingle. [00:31:44] Speaker A: Roll a jingle. [00:31:47] Speaker B: I know you've had an awkward occurrence. How did it make you feel? I know you like that slightly awkward occurrence. Awkward occurrences. [00:32:08] Speaker C: So you guys know that I'm an extrovert. I like people in general. I like to make conversation. And when you're in circumstances like the doctor's office, just making General Chitchat with the nurses. Doctors. So I was at the eye doctor. I think this was last year. I was getting my pressure checked. Do you guys ever get your pressure checked on your eyes? [00:32:29] Speaker B: Yes. When they shoot the air into your eye? [00:32:31] Speaker C: Well, I have high pressure, so I have to get the pressure checked regularly. So the nurse, she came in, and I don't ever comment on anyone's bodies if they look like they've lost weight or they look great. I won't say anything because inevitably you're implying that there was a problem that needed fixing. Right. You're always very good. Yeah. It's like, oh, you look great. Well, what was wrong with me two weeks ago? And she was a very skinny woman, but she had what appeared to be a baby bump. Like, I really thought you didn't go. [00:33:10] Speaker A: Down the when are you due? [00:33:14] Speaker C: As the words were coming out of my. I wanted to crawl under a rock. We were just making conversation about children, and it just came out. I legitimately thought she was pregnant. And I've never said that before in my life. I would never comment. [00:33:34] Speaker A: It's happened to us all once. [00:33:36] Speaker C: I really genuinely thought that she was expecting. She looked like a pregnant woman. She didn't look like someone who had a good Christmas. And I felt so terrible, and then I had to sit. This was at the very beginning. [00:33:59] Speaker B: What was the conversation? I want to know what you said. And then what she said. [00:34:03] Speaker C: She said, well, I blacked out a little bit at this point just because of pure mortification. And I basically just said. She said, well, I'm not expecting. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm such an asshole. I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. I just kept saying I wanted to melt, and then I had to sit there as she put the eyedrops in and then put this thing, poked me in the eye with this thing, and I'm like, she's going to go all the way to my brain. This is revenge. I deserve it. I completely deserve whatever torture she's going to put me through right now. I am a complete jerk and I don't deserve my eyesight. [00:34:47] Speaker B: Oh, you poor thing. You should have said, I'm sorry. I can't see anything right? [00:34:57] Speaker C: Like, and I really did not want to hurt this woman's feelings. She was lovely, and I did. Just because I was trying to make conversation about children and came off as a complete jerk. [00:35:10] Speaker A: Pete, that is so awkward. [00:35:14] Speaker B: It definitely wins. All of the awkward occurrences we've ever come up with. [00:35:17] Speaker C: Awful. [00:35:17] Speaker A: That is mortifying. And as Jen said, I think we've all done that once, but to say it and then have the person that you can't get away, something in your eye is, as you say, painful. That's mortifying. [00:35:35] Speaker C: Yeah. And I was almost know the numbing drops were starting to wear off. I'm like, no, yeah, make it hurt. I deserve this. [00:35:42] Speaker A: So I'm thinking we wrap this up. Should we wrap this up? [00:35:45] Speaker B: Let's wrap it up like Christmas is around the corner, Chris. [00:35:48] Speaker A: Oh, Christmas is around the corner. And, Pete, are you going to do a special one more story Christmas? [00:35:57] Speaker C: I'm working on that. I'm trying to figure out how I want to lay out that month. [00:36:03] Speaker A: I'm going to lay down that little challenge for you. And of course, I'm here if you need a little Christmas tale once more. [00:36:10] Speaker C: I do. [00:36:11] Speaker A: And this won't be anything, like, to do with cheese bishops, nothing. [00:36:17] Speaker C: All right. [00:36:19] Speaker A: So, Pete, thank you so much for coming onto the show today. It's lovely to see your lovely face. [00:36:24] Speaker C: It's so good to see you guys. [00:36:25] Speaker A: One more story can be found on. I'm presuming wherever you like to listen to, wherever you like to listen to your podcast, as they say. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for making this transatlantic conversation possible. [00:36:40] Speaker C: Thank you. Thank you guys so much. And hopefully I didn't come off as too much of a jerk with my. [00:36:47] Speaker A: Unless, of course, that eye doctor is listening and she's like, I'm sorry. [00:36:54] Speaker C: If she's listening. I'm very sorry. [00:36:57] Speaker A: So, Christmas is around the corner. We will be back pretty soon as we build up to the most festive time of year. So it's going to be a big thank you to Pete. And Ding dong merrily on bye for now, everyone. Say, bye, Pete. [00:37:15] Speaker B: Say, bye, Pete. [00:37:16] Speaker C: Goodbye. [00:37:20] Speaker A: I thought that cheesemonga story was pretty excellent, actually. [00:37:24] Speaker B: I did. Bit rude, though, guys. [00:37:26] Speaker C: I mean, I think I'm going to hell for that one. [00:37:29] Speaker B: But that's what I was going to say about Duncan, was when he said, I have a very nice smelling. And you said, I was going to say no, I meant you could smell. Well, but I hadn't got to that point. And then you came in and it was funny, so I just let it go. [00:37:45] Speaker C: Way to get dirty. [00:37:47] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what we do. [00:37:49] Speaker C: I hope this isn't going to sully my brand of children's stories.