Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: If your intro isn't as good as mine, we'll use.
[00:00:02] Speaker B: Oh, it's like battle of the intros now. Alright, well, this was my pre planned intro.
[00:00:07] Speaker A: Go on, then.
[00:00:08] Speaker B: Ready?
[00:00:08] Speaker C: Ooh.
[00:00:09] Speaker B: I tell you what's on the tip of my lips.
[00:00:12] Speaker A: What's on the tip of your lips?
[00:00:14] Speaker B: How many birds are mentioned in the twelve days of Christmas? I'm gonna give you time to think about that because we'll mention it later on in the program. It's the Christmas Smurf episode. Welcome to the show.
[00:00:42] Speaker A: If you could just do that a little bit more animated.
[00:00:45] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Right, you got to do your bit now.
[00:00:46] Speaker A: I'm joking. Obviously I'm joking.
[00:00:48] Speaker B: All I heard was criticism.
[00:00:49] Speaker A: Well, look, I think you'll enjoy this episode because I've got a few little jokes to kick us off.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: Have you?
[00:00:59] Speaker A: I have.
[00:01:00] Speaker B: Say, welcome to the show.
[00:01:01] Speaker A: Welcome to the show.
[00:01:02] Speaker B: All right, I win.
[00:01:03] Speaker A: What? What do you win?
[00:01:05] Speaker B: Why do you win the contest of who gets the intro.
[00:01:08] Speaker A: What? And why do you win?
[00:01:09] Speaker B: Right, I want to hear one of these gags.
[00:01:11] Speaker A: All right, I'm going to start with.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: Kick things off with a gag.
[00:01:14] Speaker A: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
[00:01:16] Speaker B: Don't know.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: Nothing. It was on the house.
[00:01:21] Speaker B: Brilliant.
[00:01:22] Speaker C: That was really good.
[00:01:23] Speaker B: I thought it was going to be something like quite a lot. It was very dear.
Which could have worked as well. Okay, next one. Here we go.
[00:01:31] Speaker A: Which reminds me of the other joke I read this morning on Tinternet. What's a reindeer's favourite game to play?
[00:01:38] Speaker B: Don't know.
[00:01:39] Speaker A: Truth or deer?
[00:01:40] Speaker B: Brilliant.
[00:01:42] Speaker A: And what's the best Christmas jumper made from?
[00:01:46] Speaker B: Don't know.
[00:01:48] Speaker A: Fleece Navidad?
Anyway, I thought that was quite cheery. I've got a couple more up my Christmas sleeve, but I will deliver those later on.
[00:02:00] Speaker B: As you could probably tell, we're quite jovial this week because it's Christmas. It is that time where we can finally get excited without being criticized for getting excited too early.
[00:02:12] Speaker C: You put your tree up already or.
[00:02:14] Speaker B: I haven't done my presents or all that kind of stuff.
[00:02:17] Speaker A: Well, we went to town this year because despite us always putting up our Christmas decorations early, we purchased some autumnal decorations, didn't we? So we could preamble the Christmas decorations.
[00:02:30] Speaker B: Exactly. Celebrate each season more crap to put in the loft.
[00:02:34] Speaker A: More useless purchases, in a sense. So, what have you got to tell me this week, Christopher? What are the plans for the big Christmas day?
[00:02:42] Speaker B: Well, I am in charge of the kitchen.
[00:02:45] Speaker A: Of course you are.
[00:02:46] Speaker B: I love it. I enjoy getting that bird all moist.
[00:02:51] Speaker A: Should we get onto culinary corner? Should we just announce culinary corner? And in we go. We know you love cooking.
[00:02:56] Speaker B: Brilliant. Roll the jingle.
No, it's funny.
[00:03:01] Speaker A: I don't want to leave that in too much, because our neighbor the other day said to me, I'm surprised he hasn't punched you in the face yet.
[00:03:08] Speaker B: Do you know what? That's surprising to me because I think I'm actually more cutting towards you, but in a banterous way.
[00:03:15] Speaker A: Maybe it's because they can't see your face when I'm doing my little jokes.
[00:03:20] Speaker B: So that people think, I only want to kiss your Christmas face.
[00:03:25] Speaker A: Well, thanks, mate. You can have a go on my Christmas sleeve as well if you like.
[00:03:29] Speaker B: Wizard sleeve.
[00:03:30] Speaker A: Have a go in my. Horrible, isn't it?
[00:03:33] Speaker B: You're going to have so much fun editing this.
[00:03:35] Speaker A: Roll the jingle for Chris's Christmas culinary corner. That's a lot of c's. Roll the jingle.
[00:03:42] Speaker B: Roll the jingle.
[00:03:44] Speaker C: Chris's culinary corner. This one's gonna be a stormer. That's why we thought we better want ya.
Ooh, tasty.
[00:04:02] Speaker B: Oh, yes. It's tasty indeed. Because this week, I shall be talking about how to get that bird nice and moist. Oh, that's what I'm talking about. Now, it's traditionally a very, very dry ass bird, okay? Especially on the second day, you know, when you're having cold meats and salads and all that jazz. Basically, you go, it's Christmas. I don't mind putting this slipper in my mouth. That tastes a bit off.
[00:04:27] Speaker C: Chris. What?
[00:04:28] Speaker B: It's not very nice. The next day. Now, all of you, maybe some of you, maybe none of you have heard of the concept of brining. Have you heard of that before?
[00:04:37] Speaker A: I have.
[00:04:38] Speaker B: Right, what is it off the top of your Christmas head?
[00:04:40] Speaker A: It's when you salt a meat. So you pop it in a pan of salted boiling water and allow it to absorb all the molecular structure of the salt.
[00:04:52] Speaker B: Excellent. Didn't understand what you said. However, it is actually water with equal parts of sugar and salt.
[00:04:59] Speaker A: There you go.
[00:05:00] Speaker B: Okay. And then you leave it for however long, depending on the size of a laburb. However, I've been doing my research, and big shout out to poppy cooks, who is one of my new favourite Instagram chefs.
[00:05:12] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:05:13] Speaker B: Okay. Now, she has said, try this. It's not a wet brine. It's a dry brine.
[00:05:18] Speaker A: A dry brine?
[00:05:19] Speaker B: A dry brine.
[00:05:21] Speaker A: Brine is water with salt in it.
[00:05:22] Speaker B: But there's no water. There's no water. And what she's saying is that you put these different ingredients together. Now we will add her Instagram handle to our notes. I want people to go and check out the world's best turkey, because this works. So this dry method together with an awful lot of butter just under the skin. On top of the breast.
[00:05:43] Speaker A: Under the skin.
[00:05:44] Speaker B: Interesting. Yes. And you're doing that the day before, so you're not doing any of this on the day.
[00:05:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:05:49] Speaker B: Right. Goes in the oven. Lovely jubbly. You get a crispy skin, moist breast.
[00:05:54] Speaker A: And it stays moist until you finished it, basically.
[00:05:58] Speaker B: That's the one.
[00:05:59] Speaker A: Brilliant. But I don't understand how salt and.
[00:06:02] Speaker B: Sugar makes it moist because you're extracting all.
I don't know, actually tasty.
[00:06:14] Speaker A: So I took Freddie ice skating last week for the very first time. He's eleven and he'd never been ice skating and our next door neighbors were going, so we thought, what a lovely, Christmassy thing to do.
[00:06:26] Speaker B: Such a festive activity.
[00:06:27] Speaker A: Now, it's rather amusing because I did ask Chris, like, would you like to come with us? No, it's a firm no from him. But what he did do, very helpfully was remind me that I had my own pair of ice skates hiding in the loft 22 years ago.
[00:06:42] Speaker B: I said to you, are they going to be the same size, thinking you were a child? But actually they were the same size.
[00:06:48] Speaker A: Believe it or not, I'm over double that age now. So, yes, they did indeed still fit and I dusted them off and had a very enjoyable trip. Apart from the fact that I completely stacked it.
[00:07:00] Speaker B: You stacked it?
[00:07:01] Speaker A: Completely stacked it. I did quite well. I got on the ice, got my confidence back. Got my confidence back. And obviously everyone thinks I'm brilliant at ice skating because I've got my own ice skates on. So if you've got your own ice skates, you must be pretty good.
[00:07:14] Speaker B: Yeah, she means business.
[00:07:16] Speaker A: Well, I was a little bit useless. Got on the ice, got used to it again, got my confidence back. Freddie was clinging to the side with his friends.
I decided I'd give it a once over around the know, like I used to in the old days.
[00:07:30] Speaker B: Oh, the old crossover and all that.
[00:07:32] Speaker A: Well, I was following this, like, 16 year old speed skater who was clearly brilliant and I thought, oh, I used to be able to do the old crossover legs.
[00:07:39] Speaker B: No.
[00:07:39] Speaker A: Have you seen the size of this bruise on my left hip?
[00:07:42] Speaker B: You've got a bruise the size of a Christmas turkey.
[00:07:44] Speaker A: I did think I might have to go to hospital, but I was all right in the end.
[00:07:48] Speaker B: That's the sole reason I didn't come with you, because I am that kind of guy who would literally stack it once. And you know, when Beth, my manager, she went ice skating, broke her wrist.
[00:07:58] Speaker A: Oh, I remember that, yes.
[00:08:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:00] Speaker A: Well, yeah, it's a long way down from 47 years old.
[00:08:03] Speaker B: They must have, like, the paramedics on speed dial down there, because it must happen.
[00:08:09] Speaker A: All health and safety nightmare. I'm surprised we didn't have to sign something.
[00:08:12] Speaker B: Plus a bit of a Covid nightmare as well.
[00:08:14] Speaker A: It was so busy, it was ridiculous.
[00:08:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:17] Speaker A: So speaking of an e, Chris, right, here's a Christmas fact for you. According to the consumer Product Safety Commission in America, they estimate around 14,700 people visit hospital emergency rooms each November and December from holiday related decorating accidents.
[00:08:38] Speaker B: Oh, no, really?
[00:08:41] Speaker A: So that works out around about 240 injuries per day, I can imagine, like.
[00:08:47] Speaker B: People falling off ladders when they're putting up lights and stuff. But what other.
[00:08:51] Speaker A: The most common accidents involve falling lacerations from glass baubles and back strains.
[00:09:00] Speaker B: Of course, you wouldn't be going to.
[00:09:01] Speaker A: A e for a back strain, would you? That's. What a time waster.
[00:09:04] Speaker B: We did have quite a funny thing last week, obviously. We have a huge tin of the old chocolates on our kitchen table and Jen asked for one.
[00:09:13] Speaker A: Oh, it's the rattle quality streets, isn't it?
[00:09:15] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, of course. And so I said, which one would you like, Jen? And she said, oh, nice toffee finger, please. And I went, no probs. So I picked up the toffee finger and thought, I can make this, I can throw it from the kitchen into the lounge, past the Christmas tree. Did I do it successfully, Jen?
[00:09:32] Speaker A: No.
[00:09:33] Speaker B: Knocked a bauble off. Smashed.
[00:09:35] Speaker A: What do you mean, knocked a bobble off? You actually annihilated? Exploded.
[00:09:39] Speaker B: You know, when you start going, oh, I can just pick up the big bits with my fingers. And one person always says, be careful, be careful, like that. And you're like, I'm 42, I can find the big bits and not cut myself. And then one person will then go, going to have to get the vacuum now. Going to have to get the vacuum. So you had to do vacuum sweeping and picking up dangerously to get all this bauble off the carpet. And then I said to Jen, oh, was that a nice cheap one? No.
[00:10:09] Speaker A: John Lewis.
[00:10:09] Speaker B: Nine pounds, nine quid.
[00:10:11] Speaker A: Now, listen, I did say to Freddie the other night, because we were looking at the baubles on the Christmas tree and I said, every bauble tells a story, Fred. And he was like, oh, right, mum, where's this?
[00:10:22] Speaker B: His eyes lit up with Christmas wonder and he said, where's this one from?
[00:10:26] Speaker A: And I said, tesco.
[00:10:29] Speaker B: And what's the story behind this one?
[00:10:33] Speaker A: TK Maxx.
[00:10:34] Speaker B: Brilliant.
[00:10:34] Speaker A: I started to realise that the bauble stories weren't very all that long or interesting.
[00:10:39] Speaker B: No, I tell you what we haven't had in a long time, and I would love to hear one, is your very, very interesting, brief and succinct origin of word.
[00:10:53] Speaker A: Point taken.
[00:10:54] Speaker B: Roll the jingle.
[00:10:55] Speaker A: Roll the jingle.
[00:10:56] Speaker B: Jen's origin of word.
Go on, then.
[00:11:05] Speaker A: Well, as I was saying earlier, you'll really enjoy this once you know all about it.
Boxing Day. Now, I've always wondered, where did the term Boxing Day come from?
[00:11:21] Speaker B: Oh, I know this, but other people might not, Chris.
[00:11:24] Speaker A: And it is quite interesting because there's quite a few different thoughts about why it was named Boxing Day, two of which, to me seem very plausible. So, Boxing Day first became an official bank holiday in 1871 in Great Britain and all of the Commonwealth countries. America don't really recognize it. It's just the day after Christmas. It's nothing to do with actual boxing, obviously, although it has now become a day associated with sporting fixtures.
[00:11:52] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:11:53] Speaker A: So the first of these origins is that the boxes of charity donations that had been collected in churches over the Christmas period were opened up the day after Christmas and distributed amongst the poor.
[00:12:05] Speaker B: That's the one I've heard.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: So they all collected the money in the boxes and then on the day.
[00:12:11] Speaker B: After Christmas they go to, like, children's hospitals and things like that.
[00:12:14] Speaker A: And orphanages and give. Yeah, exactly. So the second one also makes total sense, which was that servants and staff were often required to work on Christmas Day to help their employers celebrate. So the day after Christmas became one where they could then have a rest and receive gifts from their bosses. So it was a day where servants would be given the time off and thanked for their hard work with a special box of treats.
[00:12:41] Speaker B: Okay, nice.
[00:12:42] Speaker A: And then the third one. There's actually a third one. There are also reports of wealthy people boxing up unwanted Christmas gifts on this day and then donating them to the poor. So three.
[00:12:53] Speaker B: Three origins.
[00:12:54] Speaker A: Three origins.
[00:12:55] Speaker B: I think that's great, especially for the american audience listening to the show, because, as you said, they do not celebrate.
[00:13:02] Speaker A: They don't. And quite a few Americans have asked me what this boxing day is in the same way they ask what Guy Fawkes night is, because they don't celebrate that either. Interesting.
[00:13:13] Speaker B: Thanks, Jen. That was very interesting.
[00:13:15] Speaker A: Was it succinct it was succinct.
[00:13:17] Speaker B: No, it was very succinct. I thought it was great.
[00:13:19] Speaker A: Do you want to hear the origin of the word pantomime?
[00:13:22] Speaker B: Not very succinct now, is it?
[00:13:24] Speaker A: So another thing that we associate with Christmas is pantomimes, of course.
[00:13:30] Speaker B: Oh, no, we don't.
[00:13:32] Speaker A: Yes, we do.
[00:13:33] Speaker B: Another thing they don't have in America, pantomimes.
[00:13:36] Speaker A: I know.
Again, really interesting. So pantomime. I was like, brilliant. What's the origin of that word? Where did it come from?
[00:13:45] Speaker B: Just as a side note.
[00:13:47] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:13:47] Speaker B: Okay. When I'm on set on an american film set, the background artists, when they are told to kind of act but not say anything, we would call it, what?
[00:14:03] Speaker A: Mime?
[00:14:04] Speaker B: Yeah, we just mime.
[00:14:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:06] Speaker B: Okay. So, guys, just mime.
Be expressive, but just mime and action, that kind of thing. In America, it's, remember, background pantomime only. And they say pantomime. And I go. And I automatically think it's behind you.
[00:14:24] Speaker A: We go, twanky.
[00:14:25] Speaker B: Yeah, and all that jazz. Anyway, I want to hear the origin. Tell me.
[00:14:29] Speaker A: So pantomime comes from pantomimus, does it?
Which I believe is a latin word.
Pantomimus was a dancer or a mime artist in ancient roman theatre who performed every role in the play, literally an imitator of everything.
But they spoke no lines and instead just merely performed to music. So they were usually dancers who didn't sing or speak and just performed to music.
So the british pantomime had its roots in something that I learned about when I was studying opera, which was the comedia de late, which was basically the art of comedy back in the 16th century, which was happening in Italy. So the comedia del arte was like a troop. Well, it was a movement, really. And they used dance music, tumbling, acrobatics, and featured a cast of mischievous stock characters. I. E. Harlequin was the quick witted miscreant who carried the bat.
[00:15:32] Speaker B: He had the checkered pants on.
[00:15:34] Speaker A: He had the checkered pants made of patches. That's right. And Harlequin and his companions included Scaramouche, who I didn't know was from, like the pantomime. Pantaloon. Piero Punch, as in from Punch and Judy. And it's also where the word clown comes from, because clown was a character.
[00:15:52] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:15:53] Speaker A: And then in the mid 17 hundreds, the trend shifted more towards comic performances of well known stories and fairy tales, rather than just the mimes. And then the actual voice came in and everything. But that's the origin of pantomime. I love that I thought was really interesting.
[00:16:10] Speaker B: That's very good. Very succinct.
[00:16:11] Speaker A: Will be by the time I've edited it.
[00:16:13] Speaker B: Jen's origin of wool.
Now, you're probably wondering around this time of year whether there's anything that is specifically celebrated on a specific day.
[00:16:30] Speaker A: Is there anything around this time of year that's celebrated on this specific day, Chris?
[00:16:35] Speaker B: I don't know. Should we roll the jingle?
[00:16:38] Speaker A: Have we got a jingle for this.
[00:16:40] Speaker B: Random international day of annual?
[00:16:42] Speaker A: Oh, yes, of course we have. Roll the jingle.
[00:16:44] Speaker C: What shall we celebrate today?
Alligators, astronauts or hay?
Start the day with dancing with a peppermint crab and ended making table merch.
[00:16:57] Speaker B: It's a random international day of any old random shit.
I tell you why I'm excited for today. Because I'm a grungy person. So guess what?
[00:17:12] Speaker A: Is it? International celebration of Grunge day?
[00:17:15] Speaker B: Close. It's national Emo day.
[00:17:18] Speaker C: Emo?
[00:17:20] Speaker B: That's right. It is a day to celebrate those who love emo music, emo fashion and emo culture.
[00:17:27] Speaker A: And black lipstick.
[00:17:29] Speaker B: Yes, this is the day to celebrate in all dark and emotional ways.
[00:17:32] Speaker A: I think I've got quite dark emo nail varnish on. What do you think?
[00:17:36] Speaker B: I don't know. Maybe you'd like a little treat to make yourself feel better because it's also national hard candy day.
[00:17:43] Speaker A: Oh, I thought you were going to say like national massage Day or something like that. Hard candy. So I don't want to see anyone with any of those soft candies. All right?
[00:17:51] Speaker B: Oh, but if you don't want to celebrate just on one day, do not worry. Fear not. Do you know why? Because if you love pears, it's national pear month. It gets a whole month to itself. The old fellow pear.
[00:18:09] Speaker A: Oh, do you mean fruit pear? I thought you meant like a pair of things. Like a pair of tights or a.
[00:18:14] Speaker B: Pair of jeans or a pair of.
[00:18:15] Speaker A: Or just.
[00:18:17] Speaker B: You're going to beat that out, aren't you?
[00:18:20] Speaker A: Or like just the game pairs.
[00:18:23] Speaker B: No.
[00:18:24] Speaker A: Right, got it. So you can actually enjoy the fruit, the pear, for a month.
[00:18:28] Speaker B: All month.
[00:18:29] Speaker A: Fabulous.
[00:18:30] Speaker B: If you go, oh, it's the 20th, I'll probably miss the national day of pear. Don't worry.
[00:18:34] Speaker A: Don't worry, man.
[00:18:35] Speaker B: Crack on for the whole of December.
[00:18:37] Speaker A: Don't worry.
[00:18:38] Speaker C: It's a random Internet and all day.
[00:18:42] Speaker B: So at the beginning of the show, I asked Jen how many birds are mentioned in the twelve days of Christmas.
[00:18:50] Speaker A: You. You.
[00:18:50] Speaker B: How creep.
Need to warm up that tongue.
[00:19:01] Speaker A: You can't see. You just gave me a wink.
[00:19:03] Speaker C: So gross.
[00:19:06] Speaker B: Christmas marriage.
So at the beginning of the show, I asked Jen whether she knew how many birds were mentioned in the twelve days of Christmas.
[00:19:20] Speaker A: Okay, can I work it out now? Can I try and have a go?
[00:19:22] Speaker B: I want you to just have a guess off the top of your head.
[00:19:26] Speaker A: Just a quick aside grind when your apple Watch tells you to stand.
[00:19:30] Speaker B: Yeah. Bugger.
[00:19:31] Speaker A: Really annoying.
Four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves. Oh, I see. They're all birds, aren't they?
[00:19:42] Speaker B: They're all bloody birds.
[00:19:44] Speaker A: Bloody. Okay, so this is a bit of an atom, isn't it, that Fred does?
[00:19:49] Speaker B: Yeah. Like homework.
[00:19:50] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay.
No, well, I'm going to have to. I'm twelve. 1110. 987-65-4321. Together, aren't I?
[00:20:02] Speaker B: A gold ring isn't a bird, is it, nords? Lords are leaping.
[00:20:09] Speaker A: I'm just going to go for a guess, then.
[00:20:11] Speaker B: So I want you to guess how many birds in the whole twelve days.
[00:20:16] Speaker A: Yes. 47.
[00:20:18] Speaker B: Not far off. Because the answer is 184.
[00:20:22] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:20:23] Speaker B: Really? Indeed, indeed. There are. Seven swans are swimming, eight geese allaying. Six geese.
[00:20:30] Speaker A: Oh, sorry.
[00:20:31] Speaker B: Six geese, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
23 birds over the course of day 8910. Eleven and twelve. And then, of course, you started off the whole thing with the partridge in the pear tree.
[00:20:50] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:20:50] Speaker B: So apart from the gold ring, it's all about the birds.
[00:20:54] Speaker A: It's always been about the birds, hasn't it?
[00:20:55] Speaker B: It has indeed. I tell you what, everyone, I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful Christmas period.
[00:21:00] Speaker A: Enjoy your Christmas pudding.
[00:21:02] Speaker B: Jen. Who's that at the door?
Yes, I have indeed changed my ring. Lean. Yes, I have indeed changed my ring. Doorbell chime to a festive one.
[00:21:18] Speaker A: I love that.
[00:21:19] Speaker B: You have to be quite careful with this. I'm not touting ring here, but there's a couple that I'm like.
[00:21:27] Speaker A: That's a bit intense, isn't it? I prefer the one you chose.
[00:21:31] Speaker B: I don't want to hear that. Wouldn't mind this one, guys. That is the end of our Christmas episode. What do you reckon, Jen?
[00:21:42] Speaker A: I reckon you should get those chestnuts roasting on your open fire.
[00:21:47] Speaker B: You should go moisten up that bird with a nice dry rub. So all that's left to say is Merry Christmas.
So, have you got any jokes to tide us over?
[00:22:05] Speaker A: Tidings. That's a good origin of words. But I'll save that one for next Christmas if you can wait till then.
Yeah, I've got a joke, Ashley.
[00:22:15] Speaker B: Go on.
[00:22:16] Speaker A: What is the best Christmas present to receive.
[00:22:18] Speaker B: Oh, I don't know. Tell me.
[00:22:20] Speaker A: A broken drum. Why, you just can't beat it.
[00:22:25] Speaker B: Merry Christmas, everyone.
It's the most wonderful time of the year. Merry Christmas.
